(Sorry this is a really, really long read – you can jump to the “Rest of the Story” below and skip the back fill, but it’s still just a few words sort of being a novel)
One of the questions I get asked the most is “How is she doing?” And, quite honestly it’s been a pretty easy answer: “She’s doing great!” The only issues thus far have been being very tired, some nausea during the first trimester (but she never actually got sick) and then one sort of major bout with her sciatic nerve (her trip home to Kentucky in February). Otherwise, we have been extremely blessed that things have gone very good.
Another line of questioning and/or ‘offers of advice’ has been watch out for the hormones, they WILL be kicking in. I honestly have to say Dina is one of the most level-headed, easy going people I have ever met. There’s just not a lot of drama, and I appreciate that more than she will probably ever know. However, being pregnant (I assume especially so with triplets) there must be a tremendously elevated level of hormones being produced by her body, and that is just one more thing she has to deal with aside from the physical changes.
We’re now at week 24, and there are certain decisions that must be finalized with regard to nursery items (cribs, mattresses, bedding, etc.). To her credit Dina did a fantastic job of picking out almost all of the stuff on the registries thus far. When we had to start making those decisions (obviously prior to our first baby shower), I think I was still pretty much trying to get out of the fog of the Shock phase, which still comes and goes on occasion. She asked my opinion on a couple of things, like the bedding, but unfortunately for her, I honestly was No Help (z-e-r-o), which she sort of understood, but was still pretty frustrated. I really didn’t have much of an opinion at all. I’ve tried to chalk that up to letting her have whatever she wanted and only ‘veto’ it something really didn’t set well. However, I think I just hadn’t made it to that point emotionally. (Yes, I DO recall the first sentence of this paragraph, and do realize that we are at 24 weeks, probably just over 2/3rds the way there!) It really is past time for me to “check-in” to the game and start helping with some of those things.
(The Rest of the Story…)
Last week, I was perusing the registries to check on a few things, when I noticed the cribs were showing as ‘no longer available’ through Babies R Us. We do have one of the cribs, but were sort of waiting on purchasing the other two. Unfortunately, the bedding Dina picked out was also ‘no longer available’! I didn’t share all of this with Dina, figuring I would find an appropriate time. I had done some research and had found a limited number of matching cribs at another internet retailer.
If you’re like my mother and haven’t been exposed to all of this baby stuff in 40+ years, to quote her “this whole bedding thing is a racket!” Picking out the bedding is just the beginning! Evidently the bedding determines the entire “theme” for the nursery. Once you have the bedding (quilt, sheet, dust ruffle, bumpers), then you still need all the matching accessories: diaper stacker, window valences, mobiles, lamps, boarders and appliqués, color coordinated paint and stuffed animals – lions and tigers and bears! Oh, my! I get it, but I guess I just wasn’t quite prepared for just how big of a deal the ‘bedding’ actually was, or more importantly, how big of a deal it would be to a hormone-infused pregnant woman if it was no longer available.
Dina and I had planned to make a trip Babies R Us to decide on a mattress and a stroller (or strollers). Prior to leaving the house, I decided to talk with Dina about the crib situation. She would prefer to have a dresser to go with the cribs and not just a changing table. However, the company doesn’t offer a dresser to match the crib she has picked out. I thought if we only had one crib, and there was something else with a dresser in another style, I might be able to change her mind (I know, silly me).
After our discussion and her remaining set on the crib she had picked out, and since the crib inventory seemed to be dwindling quickly, I got online and completed the order for two cribs to match the one we already received. One good thing about the internet truly is the ‘global marketplace’. I was able to locate a couple of other merchants who carry that crib, but they were all out of stock, or had a very limited number on hand. I put a couple of them on hold before talking with Dina about the situation, but ended up ordering them anyway. One more box we were able to check off the list (or so I thought).
We went out for a nice dinner, and then arrived at Babies R Us**. We made it to the back of the store and were confronted with about a DOZEN different mattresses! Seriously?!?!? There are that many different crib mattresses? Having not done any homework, I was somewhat at a loss on how to even begin to narrow this down. One of the staff did come over to assist us, but aside from a couple of comments about the primary differences being firmness, ‘moisture resistance,’ and foam versus coils, there just wasn’t much to help narrow it down. Dina went to the “Phone a Friend” Life Line to get a little experienced advice from a mother of two toddlers. Unfortunately, Beth was not immediately available, so things were not looking too good. It really wasn’t a major deal, we were just going to put them on the registry, not actually purchase them at that moment, and we still have several weeks, right?
Not knowing if Beth would be calling back, and me not feeling like I could make any sort of educated decision, I decided to move on to the next item. Since we were already standing right by the bedding, and since there was an entire wall of various bedding options, I made the suggestion to Dina that we might want to take a look at the bedding while we were there. She looked at me with what can only be described as one of those looks I really don’t ever want to have to see again. She asked “what was I talking about?!?” I had to break the news that the bedding at Target was also showing as “Not available”. As they say…”and that was the straw the broke the camel’s back!” The tears began to flow, the sobs started to surface, and there was not a single, solitary thing that I could do.
About that time, her phone rang. It was Beth calling back. She looked at the phone, handed it to me and headed for the bathroom! I answered, which surprised Beth, as she asked “Is everything OK?” I told her “Yes, but that Dina was having a bit of a meltdown due to the cribs, mattresses, and bedding. Beth promptly got up and went to her computer to help me try and make some sense of the mattress mess. Unbeknownst to her, all her husband heard was “Is Dina OK?” and then Beth took off for another room. Several minutes later, when Beth and I finished our conversation, she walked back into the room where CC, her husband, had gathered up her jacket, her purse, and car keys, and had them ready for her to leave if needed. It was a really a cool thing for him to have done.
When Dina reappeared, she had composed herself and was OK; not great, but OK. I offered the phone to her to talk to Beth, but that just set the meltdown back to boiling and she became a bit of a puddle again! At that point, all I could offer was to tell her that it was OK. There was nothing that we absolutely had to get done in that visit, and let’s just get her home and back in her comfy environment.
Here’s where I absolutely know the hormones and her personality are in direct conflict and causing confusion. Her Keirsey ‘Guardian’ type personality likes to check boxes – make her list and check those boxes off as completed – mission accomplished, and then move on. Unfortunately, as she struggled through the fog, she insisted we still needed to look at things and pick stuff out! Through the tears, she tried to regroup, but began to puddle on me again. I once again tried to urge her to just let me take her home and we’d do this another time. Not having any of that, she tried to pull it back together and trudge on. It was at this point, that I knew, without a doubt, that reason was out the window, no amount of logic would cut through, and the very best I could hope for was to not make it any worse!
Eventually, we were able to decide on a bedding set/pattern, and even made it over to look at strollers, but we were not successful in picking out one of those.
I finally got her to head for the truck and soon to be back in her comfy environment of home.
And so it begins…
** Note to self/Learning Lesson for others: Going to one of the super stores, i.e. Babies R Us, with a pregnant woman to try and make a decision on something like a mattress, is generally NOT a good idea. There are just TOO many choices, (which easily become overwhelming) unless you have some preconceived notions and can narrow it down first.
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